The Christmas Spirit
by Gig in the Sky
Summary: Derek helps Meredith find the spirit of Christmas.
1. On the First Day of Christmas

"What do you think your mom would like for Christmas?" Derek asks out of the blue as we stand in line at the coffee cart in the hospital's lobby.

I blink. "Excuse me?"

"Christmas?" Derek repeats. "You know, festive holiday marking the birth of Jesus?"

"Joy to the world," I mutter.

Derek gives me a look.

"I don't know," I shrug. "I don't think she _wants_ anything."

"Everybody wants something," Derek proclaims. He smiles at me. "What about you? What do you want for Christmas?"

"Um," I say. "What do I want? I want to pretend that Christmas doesn't exist."

Derek rolls his eyes. "Grinch."

I sigh. "Nothing, Derek. Really. Donate to charity on my behalf, then. Whatever."

Derek makes a face and orders our coffees, then hands mine to me.

"Consider this my gift," I say, taking a long swig. "I have to round. I'll see you later, okay?"

Without waiting for his reply, I head for the elevators and try to leave all thoughts of Christmas behind.

My bid doesn't last long, however. The nursing station on the floor where we're meeting Bailey has fairly exploded with Christmas paraphernalia. Elves compete with snowmen, and jolly Santas, their bellies protruding over the waistband of their pants, obliterate both. The nurses are playing with one of the ornaments on the top of their desks, a plastic Santa who is wearing a lei and dark sunglasses, and who sings Jingle Bell Rock while hula dancing.

"Unbelievable," I mutter in disgust and wait for Cristina to agree with me, in that sardonic fashion that only she has.

But Cristina keeps her commentary to herself and I turn to her.

"Are you okay?"

"It is what it is," she says.

"Okay, seriously?" I ask. "Who are you and what have you done with Cristina Yang?"

"I have bigger problems than Tropical Santa," Cristina says.

I open my mouth to ask her if she wants to go for a drink after work, but close it quickly when Bailey appears from around the corner. She doles out our assignments and sends us on our way, preventing me from talking to Cristina further.

I'm assigned to Sloane and when I find him on the third floor, he looks surprised to see me.

"I thought I asked for the hot blonde."

"Thanks," I say dryly.

"Hey, I gave you first shot," he tells me. "And for some reason, you chose Derek."

"Mmm," I say. "What have you got today?" I try to read the chart over his shoulder, but he snatches it away from me.

"You know what I could use?" he asks.

I roll my eyes. "I've heard all about how you're treating the other interns like your bitches, Mark."

"Aw, Grey, you think I'd do that to you?"

"I wouldn't put anything past you," I reply.

"You've been hanging out with Derek too much." He makes a show of sighing sadly. "But seriously, I need a caffeine fix."

"I'll wait for you," I tell him with a smile.

"Fine," he says, grudgingly handing me the chart.

I'm engrossed in reviewing the case when he speaks again.

"So, do you have big plans for Christmas?" he asks.

I make a face, and look up in surprise when Mark chortles.

"You don't like Christmas?" he asks. "And you're with Derek Shepherd?"

I shift uncomfortably. Discussing Derek with Mark is awkward and I feel like I'm betraying Derek by doing so.

"It's not my favourite season," I say dismissively.

"He's crazy about it," Mark reveals. "You should have seen their house at Christmas time. It looked like Santa's workshop exploded in there."

"Um," I say, hoping to discourage Mark from continuing to talk about Derek's Christmases with Addison.

"Just wait," he continues anyway. "He's just getting started."

"Great," I say under my breath. I hand the chart back to him. "Can we just get started, please?"

* * *

By the time I am leaving the hospital, my mood has deteriorated even further and I pull my coat around my tightly as I prepare to dash across the parking lot to my car.

"Mer!"

I stop in my tracks and turn to find Derek coming towards me.

"Were you just going to leave?" he asks.

"I thought you were on for a few more hours," I say. "And I'm exhausted. I was just going to go home and crash."

"Oh," he replies, and I hear the disappointment in his voice. "Well, I could crash with you."

"Seriously, Derek, I'm just going to go home and fall into bed."

"Okay," he answers. He shifts his bag on his shoulder and digs his keys out of his pocket before leaning in to kiss me softly. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, then."

I nod and turn away from him, not sure why I'm so intent on making an escape.

When I reach the house, it's aglow and I trudge inside, kick off my shoes and prepare to slump down on the couch and try to forget my day. Instead, the scent of apple cider assails my nostrils and I hear Izzie humming Christmas carols from the living room.

I groan and turn to flee up the stairs, but Izzie calls out to me before I can disappear.

"Mer!"

Again, I'm caught like a fly in amber. With a sigh, I go over to the doorway of the living room.

"Hey, Iz. I'm beat, can it wait until morning?"

"I'm decorating," she says, as if the holly and the ivy wasn't a dead giveaway.

"Yeah," I say, plastering a smile on my face. "I see that."

"I made apple cider. Want some?"

I shake my head. "No, not really. Thanks. I'm just going to go to bed."

"Oh, come on!" she whines. "Just come keep me company, then. George is working late, and I have nobody else to do this with."

"He really picked the wrong intern, didn't he?" I ask under my breath.

"What?"

I shake my head. "Nothing."

"Derek called," Izzie says, when I reluctantly move further in to the room.

I frown. "I told him I was going to bed."

"No, earlier. He wanted to know what you want for Christmas. He said that you wouldn't tell him."

I grimace. "What's the big deal? If there's something I need, I buy it. I've always done that."

"The big deal is, it's Christmas!" Izzie says exuberantly. "He wants to spoil you, and I, for one, think you should let him."

"Of course you do."

"What does that mean?"

I sigh. "I don't know. Nothing. I'm just sick of all this Christmas crap!"

Izzie laughs. "It's only December first, Mer."

"Exactly. It's December first. Twenty-four days until Christmas, so why in the hell does my living room look like all nine of the reindeer threw up in here?"

"You know, Rudolph wasn't an original reindeer," Izzie points out. "So technically, there were only eight. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen."

I heave myself to my feet and walk back towards the stairs.

"Hey!" Izzie calls after me. "Where are you going?"

"To my Christmas free bedroom," I reply and ignore her protests as I go.


	2. Blue Christmas

"I missed you last night," Derek comments when I see him next, standing outside the interns' locker room.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, pulling my hair up into a ponytail and securing it with the elastic band that was formerly on my wrist. "I had a long day."

"I heard you were with Sloane," he says and I glance over at him, trying to determine if he's upset that I spent yesterday with Mark. Not that it should matter; I'm an intern, and Mark is an attending, and he's here to teach me, I reason. Derek is just going to have to deal with it.

"Yeah," I say offhandedly. I scan the hall for any sign of Bailey, but she hasn't arrived yet.

"Don't let him treat you like his geisha."

"He doesn't."

"Okay," Derek says. He stops in front of me, which forces me to come to a standstill as well. "Let's have dinner tonight, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Don't sound so excited," he teases me. He winks at me and straightens the lapels of my lab coat before sauntering away.

The rest of the day speeds by. I'm with Bailey for most of the day, and she has me running circles so that the day is over before I know it and I find Derek waiting for me by the elevator in the lobby.

"Hi," he says. He takes my hand and squeezes it.

"Hi," I return his greeting.

"Long day?"

"Are they ever not?"

"Well, actually, I've been off since noon."

I scowl at him. "Must be nice to be a high powered attending."

"It is," he grins. "You'll be one before long."

"Right."

"Anyway," Derek continues, ignoring my cynicism, "I had some time today, so I got something for you."

Despite myself, I perk up at this. "You did?"

"Uh huh," Derek grins.

"What is it?"

"You'll see," he says mysteriously. He leads me out to his car and opens the passenger side door for me. I climb in and wait for him to get into the driver's seat.

"Tell me," I wheedle.

"After dinner. I'm starving."

* * *

When we end up at Derek's trailer after dinner, I'm not surprised, but my interest is piqued.

"Is it time for my gift yet?" I ask impatiently as Derek lets us inside.

He laughs and takes off his coat, then helps me out of mine.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asks. "I have a bottle of wine."

I lift my eyebrows. "Is that it?"

"No," he replies. He moves a few steps over and finds the bottle of wine and a corkscrew.

"Derek," I sigh impatiently.

He grins and pours us each a glass of wine after deftly uncorking the bottle.

"Okay," he says. He takes a sip of his wine, then sets the glass down and tells me to close my eyes.

"Seriously?" I ask, but do as I'm told.

I hear Derek rustling around in the kitchen and then his warm voice. "Okay, open your eyes."

I do so and I'm met with an array of candies scattered on the kitchen table, along with a box, which displays what is ideally a finished gingerbread house.

"Oh," I say, trying to prevent disappointment from creeping into my voice.

Derek is grinning madly and I raise my eyes to his.

"Come on, you can't say no to this!"

_Wanna bet?_ I think. Cautiously, I approach the table.

"You want to build a gingerbread house?"

Derek nods enthusiastically.

"Why?"

"It's fun."

"You were one of those weird kids who thought that solving math questions was fun, weren't you?"

Derek's face falls and I immediately feel guilty.

"Okay, but it's going to be hideous."

"Nonsense," Derek declares. "Come on."

Derek hands me the box before pulling out another.

"Wait," I say. "We each get one?"

"Sure," he smiles.

"Is this going to be some kind of competition?" I ask him suspiciously.

"Meredith," he says patiently. I look over at him and find his blue eyes incredibly perceptive. "I just wanted you to have your own."

I pick up the icing bag and point it at my house.

"So what do I do with it?" I ask.

"Anything you want," he replies. "I'll even let you pick your candy first."

I look over at him. "You know, you're not going to make me love Christmas."

Derek just smiles to himself and gets to work on his house.

When we're done, I have to admit that mine looks pretty good, despite the icing sliding off the roof.

I smile at Derek and he nods approvingly.

"Next year, we'll build one together," he says, and I start to think Christmas might not be so bad after all.


	3. Dreaming of a White Christmas

"Meredith!"

Groggily, I open one eye and find George standing in my doorway.

Beside me, Derek is still asleep, and I extract my arm from under his and shush George.

"Give me a minute," I say softly and George realizes that I'm undressed beneath the covers. He turns pink and darts out of the doorway to give me a moment of privacy.

"Sorry," he apologizes when I pad my way over to the door. "I didn't think he came home with you last night."

"He came in after his shift," I explain to George, who nods.

"So you gave him a key?"

I confirm that I did. "It's just easier," I explain.

"Sure, yeah," George says.

"What's going on?" I blink against the bright light of the hall.

"Oh… it's snowing!"

I frown. "Seriously?"

"Yeah!" he enthuses. "You know, I can't remember the last time that it snowed in Seattle."

"It snows here," Izzie scoffs, appearing in the doorway of her bedroom.

"Sure, but not like this," George says.

We stumble down the stairs and into the living room. At the window, we're greeted with the sight of a veritable snowstorm outside.

"Wow," Izzie grins. "It's beautiful."

"ER's gonna be busy," George observes.

I fold my arms over my chest and look out at the falling snow. The snowflakes are large and heavy and the lawn is already blanketed.

"It's just snow," I say and turn away from the window.

"Hey, we didn't all live in Boston, you know," George says. "This is pretty amazing to some of us."

"What's amazing?" Derek's voice drifts down the stairs and I look up at him.

"Snow," I say, shrugging.

"It's snowing?" Derek asks. He comes downstairs and stands behind me, turning me back towards the window. He wraps his arms around me from behind and is silent for a moment.

"It's just snow. You lived in New York; you've seen a lot of snow."

"Yeah, but it seems more special here."

I roll my eyes, but let him have his moment.

"Let's go outside," he says excitedly after a minute.

"And do what?"

"Enjoy the snow."

"Derek, it's 5:30 in the morning, and I'm only wearing a robe."

"Go get dressed."

"Don't be ridiculous," I say. "We have to get ready for work."

I untangle myself from his arms and head back upstairs.

* * *

As George predicted, the ER is overrun with people who got caught up in the snow in some way. There are a number of fender-benders on the slick city streets, not to mention the people who slipped and fell, or suffered other injuries.

I'm run off my feet all day, and fully expect that the snow will have mostly disappeared by the time I leave the hospital hours later. Derek is waiting for me near the elevator and we ride down together. During the descent, I inform him that I'm looking forward to the peace and quiet of an evening at home.

When we reach the front doors of the hospital, I'm surprised to see that the snow is still falling and the accumulation on the ground has become overwhelming.

"Oh wow," I say.

Derek grins.

"This is bad," I fret. "The roads are going to be hell."

"So come home with me," he suggests.

"To the trailer?"

Derek nods a confirmation. "Like you said, I lived in New York; I'm used to the snow."

"You drove in the city?" I ask skeptically.

"No, but I didn't live in the city my entire life," he laughs. "I'm used to driving in the snow, Meredith. Just come home with me. It'll be nice."

Reluctantly, I agree and we set out towards the trailer.

* * *

When we arrive there, even my cynicism abates as I take in the shimmering snow in the moonlight.

"It looks different out here," I say.

Derek looks over at me with a grin. "I knew you couldn't resist forever."

He parks and I rest my head on his shoulder for a minute.

"It's almost a shame that it won't last."

"Well, we'll have to enjoy it while it does," he says. He lifts my hand with his own and links our fingers together.

"Come play in the snow with me, Meredith," he says, his voice warm and inviting.

I look up at him and meet his eyes, which are sparkling.

"Okay," I agree.

He gets out of the car before I can change my mind and comes around to my side of the car to help me out.

We cross the yard, heading away from the trailer, until we're some distance away, in the middle of his property, a sea of white around us.

We play in the snow for a while, making a snow family and tossing snowballs at each other. We chase each other until we're breathless and then Derek catches me and tugs on my hand sharply and before I realize it, we're tumbling to the ground.

"Derek!" I exclaim, falling into the snow.

He just laughs and spreads his arms out in the snow, making the impression of an angel.

"Oh my God," I laugh. "I don't think I've made snow angels since I was five years old."

"No time like the present," Derek tells me. The tips of his fingers reach mine and he links his hand with mine. I make an angel beside his and then turn my head to face him.

"I'm soaked," I tell him, grinning broadly.

Derek's smile matches mine.

"Me too. Why don't we go inside and get warmed up?"

"Hot chocolate?" I ask.

"I was thinking of a hot shower," Derek winks.

"That could work, too," I agree and hold up my hands for Derek to pull me up, out of the snow.


	4. O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!

When I'm all warm and tingly, I look up at Derek, who is starting to drift off.

"Typical," I murmur, sliding my hand along his shoulder.

"Hmmm?" he asks sleepily.

"You roll over and go to sleep," I tease him.

"I don't!" he protests. He's suddenly awake and looking indignant.

"It's okay," I assure him with a knowing smile. "I understand that men can't keep up."

"Hey!" Derek exclaims. "I can keep up! Do you want me to keep up?" he asks hopefully.

I laugh and press a kiss against his chest.

"Did you enjoy the snow?" Derek asks, running his fingers through my damp hair.

"It was okay," I admit grudgingly.

"Come on, admit it. You had fun."

"I had fun," I agree. I snuggle against him. "But that doesn't mean that I'm all gung-ho about Christmas?"

"Gung-ho?" Derek repeats. He shakes with silent laughter.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

"I'm not done convincing you yet."

"Lucky me," I say dryly, but I bite down hard on my bottom lip to restrain my smile.

* * *

"It doesn't sound so bad to me," Cristina reasons as we stand in line for our coffee the next morning.

"Oh, God. You too? You're Jewish, you don't even celebrate Christmas!"

"No," she agrees. "But you weren't celebrating Christmas. You went to Derek's land, played in the snow, and then had a screaming orgasm. And may I just point out that as Derek lives in the middle of freaking nowhere, you were free to scream as loudly as you wanted to?"

I blush and push a couple of dollar bills into the open hand of the man waiting on us.

"That's so not the point," I say to Cristina as we leave the line.

"Well, what is the point?" she asks practically. She literally inhales half of her coffee before I answer.

"The point is…" I stall, flustered. "The point is, he thinks he's so smart! It's infuriating!"

"So you're going to not enjoy his undivided attention, just to prove a point?"

"Yes!" I exclaim.

Cristina gives me a look. "Mer, even I wouldn't do that."

"Bullshit."

She grins. "Well, okay. I would. But that's me, and you're not me. You love Derek, and you love being with Derek, and what's the big deal about admitting that you're enjoying all of these festive activities?"

"I didn't say there was!" I say defensively. I unclip my pager and peer at it expectantly. "Oh, I've gotta go."

"I didn't hear your pager," Cristina remarks.

"It's loud in here," I say and run off.

"Avoider!" Cristina calls after me.

* * *

Try as I might, I'm unable to avoid Derek.

"Hi," he says. "Izzie said that she was going to try to cajole you and George into getting a Christmas tree this weekend."

I groan. "No."

"Oh, come on, Mer. You have to have a tree."

"Why?" I ask. "Christmas already threw up all over my living room. A tree would just be overkill."

"We should go pick one out," he decides.

"Derek…" I warn him.

"Just us," he promises. "Izzie said she's fine with it as long as we don't come back with a Charlie Brown tree."

"Well, if we have Izzie's approval," I say sarcastically.

Derek's face falls.

"Derek, you know this isn't my thing."

"I know, but you could change your mind."

"Not likely."

"Come on, Mer," he cajoles me. "Please?"

"Derek, I…" I bite my lip and stop the flow of words. "Okay," I sigh. "Fine. We'll go."

He beams at me. "Thank you."

Shaking my head, I walk away before he can talk me into something else.

* * *

"There's nothing like a fresh Christmas tree," Derek enthuses as he takes my hand and leads me in amongst the trees on a lot a few miles from the hospital.

"I guess," I say quietly.

"What about this one?" he asks, leading me to a giant Fraser fir.

I shrug. "I guess."

"Meredith," Derek says patiently. "What's wrong?"

I shrug again and he sighs. "It's going in your house; I thought you might care."

"Well, I don't," I say. I cross my arms over my chest and stubbornly set my chin.

"I can only try so hard," he says quietly. "I can't make this a good memory for you by myself."

I blink and look over at him. He's watching me intently, his expression a mixture of concern and understanding. Except I'm not sure what he thinks he understands.

"The last time I did this was with my dad," I blurt out.

Derek nods.

"That was a long time ago, Derek. It makes me sad, and this isn't fun for me. Okay?"

"Okay," he answers softly.

I blink back tears that are suddenly overwhelming my vision. My heart aches, both from my memories, and from the expression on Derek's face. And then the tears spill over, streaking my face and I take a great gulp of air, shuddering violently. Derek's at my side and I feel the pads of his thumbs on my cheeks, tracking the tears. He pulls me against his shoulder and wraps his arms around me, holding me close until I am calm.

"It's a beautiful tree," I tell him. "We should get it."

"We don't have to," he assures me. "It's fine. Izzie and George will go on the weekend…"

"No,' I say adamantly. "It's our tree. I want this one."

He leans in and brushes his nose against mine. "Okay," he whispers. His eyes are smiling and I move in closer and bury my face against his shoulder, holding him close to me.

"I'm sorry," I apologize.

"For what?" he asks. He pulls back. "Let's go haggle for our tree, okay?"

* * *

Izzie and George are home, which is just as well because it takes all four of us to drag in the behemoth tree and set it up in the middle of the living room.

"Wow!" Izzie enthuses, once it's ready to decorate. "Impressive!"

"Thanks," Derek and I chorus. I laugh and he drops his hand down to take mine, linking our fingers together.

We decorate until Izzie reluctantly leaves to go to the hospital after her pager informs her that she's no longer on-call, but on duty. Then George departs to go over to Callie's, and Derek and I are left alone.

"We're done," he says, standing back to admire the tree.

"Not quite," I say. I look up at the top of the tree, where the topper should be.

Derek grins and scoops me up amid my laughter and protests and I gingerly set the angel on the top branch. Then he sets me on my feet and I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his head down so that I can kiss him.

"Thank you," I say when we pull apart.

"You're welcome," he smiles. "Although, if you really want to thank me…"

I roll my eyes. "Is that all you think about?"

"All I'm thinking about is how much I love you."

"Uh huh."

"And how we should make a few Christmas memories of our own." He winks suggestively and I follow his eyes to beneath the tree.

"You really want me to like Christmas, don't you?" I grin in response.

"Oh yes," Derek replies.

"Maybe it's starting to grow on me," I admit and pull him down to the floor with me.


	5. What Child is This?

I hate to admit it, but by Christmas Eve, I'm humming Christmas carols under my breath as I do rounds. By the time my shift is over, I'm practically … well, _excited_ to go home and partake in more Christmas activities with Derek.

Somehow, we both managed to get Christmas Day off (I think Derek pulled a few strings, but oddly enough, I'm not objecting) and Derek and I are going to the trailer tonight, to spend our first Christmas Eve alone. Tomorrow, we're obligated to spend the day at the house with the others, but Derek insisted on Christmas Eve.

I meet him in the lobby, and he ushers me out the door.

"We have to make a pit stop first."

I eye him carefully. "Where? The stores are closed."

"Oh, I'm done shopping for you," he says, grinning devilishly.

"Me too," I smile.

"You went shopping?"

"Mmm," I answer noncommittally. I raise my mittened hand and wipe away the condensation on the passenger side window. Outside, thousands of Christmas lights twinkle as we make our way through Seattle. I close my eyes momentarily, exhausted from my long day. The next thing I know, Derek is nudging me awake and I open my eyes to find that we're parked in front of Roseridge.

I blink and push the hair out of my face.

"Derek?" I question him.

"It's Christmas Eve," he says.

"I know," I reply. "I was going to come by tomorrow after dinner."

"I wanted to come, too," he says.

I turn to him. "Why?"

Derek reaches out with his gloved hand and cups my chin. "Because," he says, his eyes shining. "You're my family, and that makes Ellis my family."

I suck in a breath, recalling what Derek said when he chose Addison over me. _Look I was married for 11 years. Addison is my family. That is 11 Thanksgiving's, 11 birthdays, 11 Christmas's, and in one day I am supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family?_

"Oh," I say in a small voice.

"Come on," he says, opening his door. "They're expecting us."

* * *

My mom is not having a good day. I can tell that immediately upon entering the room. She's sitting near the fireplace, watching the flames lick the logs, and doesn't look up when I call her from across the room.

"Mom?" I ask gently as we approach her.

She turns to me with a frown. "Not _now_, Meredith. I have a lot on my mind. I'm doing a very complicated procedure tomorrow, and I can't have you distracting me. Go see your father. At least he can be useful for something."

"Dr. Grey?" Derek says softly. She looks up at him and her face lights up. My mother actually _beams_ at Derek.

Figures.

"Dr. Shepherd," she says, extending her hand. "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting company."

"That's fine," Derek replies. "I just thought I'd drop by and say hello."

I stare at the two of them, bewildered.

"How does she know you?" I demand of Derek.

He looks up at me. "It's okay."

"No." I shake my head. "I don't … why does she know you?"

"Meredith, don't be rude," my mom reprimands me. "This is Dr. Shepherd. He's just started working at Seattle Grace."

"Mom," I sigh. "Derek is …"

Derek shakes his head almost imperceptibly and I frown, but keep quiet. He talks to her for a few minutes and then looks over at me as she babbles on about the Grey Method to him.

"Sometimes she thinks I'm just a colleague, but I did tell her that I work with you. It's just that she forgets that sometimes."

I nod. "You mean that she forgets me," I say quietly, feeling a pang of hurt that I know I shouldn't. This isn't anything unusual, and I've developed a thick skin when it comes to visiting my mom. Still, it hurts that she can recognize Derek and yet with me, she either draws a blank, or thinks I'm still five years old.

Derek reaches over when my mom glances away and brushes his thumb over my knuckles. It's meant to be soothing, but I just want to escape.

"You know, I think I left mom's present in the car. I'll be right back."

Derek opens his mouth to remind me that I didn't bring a gift for my mom being that I didn't know we were coming to visit, but his eyes meet mine and I'm sure he can see the emotional mess I'm becoming, and he understands that I need a minute or two to collect myself.

I leave them there and hurry out into the hall where one of the nurses I've come to know pretty well smiles at me in greeting.

"Merry Christmas, Meredith," she says, helping one of the residents with his bowtie.

I offer her a tight smile and mutter some sort of festive greeting, but my heart isn't in it any more. After a minute, I've recovered enough to go back into the room where I find my mom and Derek talking in hushed voices.

"Well, Meredith, I have to say, Derek is much better than the boys you used to bring home," she says.

Cautiously, I take a seat beside her.

I shoot Derek a quick glance, trying to communicate with my eyes and ask him how long she's been lucid.

"Yeah, mom," I say weakly. "He is."

* * *

By the time we leave the nursing home, I'm mentally exhausted and say little as we continue to Derek's trailer.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes when we pull onto his property. He sighs.

"Why?" I ask him. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault, and it's not my fault, and hell, it isn't even _her_ fault. It's just the way that it is. I'm used to it. I'm fine."

"Liar," he accuses me softly. He parks and kills the ignition.

"Derek," I sigh. "I'm tired. Please, let's not."

"I just thought… it's Christmas."

I snort softly. "Oh, Derek."

"She's your mom."

"Sometimes," I agree. "But most of the time, she's just…"

"I'm sorry." He looks crestfallen.

"Derek, it's okay. I understand why you did it, and I love you for it. Please don't feel bad about it. I don't."

He sighs. "I feel like I just ruined another Christmas for you."

I laugh. "No. In fact, I kind of love your Christmas."

I watch as he lights up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's still early," he says. "Do you want to open a gift?"

I grin.

"Now you're talking."


	6. Baby, It's Cold Outside

I make myself comfortable on the edge of Derek's bed while he rummages in the closet for my Christmas gift.

"Okay," he says, straightening to a standing position. He beams at me as he hands me a flat package.

"What is this?" I ask suspiciously.

"Open it," he encourages me. He takes a seat next to me and fairly bounces on the bed in anticipation.

"Like a little boy," I mutter.

Derek just laughs and urges me to rip the package open. But I take my time carefully unwrapping his gift. When I remove the paper, I study the gift with confusion.

"A calendar?"

Derek nods, his eyes sparkling.

"Oh. Uh, thanks." I try to hide my disappointment and set the calendar next to me on the bed.

"No, Mer," Derek says. "Open it. Look!"

Frowning, I pick the calendar back up and open it to the first page. This December. In neat printing, Derek has written carefully on December 25th: First Christmas Together. There are similar entries for New Year's and then Derek's birthday, followed by mine. But he's also written notes on what appear to be normal days: First February 23rd with Derek, Reminder: Easter Egg hunt with Derek, Date with Derek, Holidays with Derek.

I laugh and turn to him.

"Seriously?"

He reaches up and pushes a few stray strands out hair out of my face. "We missed it last year."

"Oh," I say in a small voice, feeling overwhelmed by him.

He leans forward and brushes my lips with his. "Okay, so just the one tonight. You get your other gift tomorrow when we go back to the house. Are you hungry?"

I shake my head. "You didn't open yours."

Confusion is etched on his face. "You didn't bring anything for me."

I grin mischievously. "Yes, I did."

"What?" he demands.

"It's right here."

"Mer? I must be a little slow tonight."

"Well, you have to unwrap it," I say, settling back on the bed. I watch with amusement as he catches on and his eyes darken. Derek steps closer to me and reaches for me with anticipation.

Derek isn't quite as patient as I was while unwrapping his gift. I feel the cool air on my shoulders as Derek removes my sweater, revealing the sheer, cranberry-coloured, demi-cup bra I am wearing.

"Mer," he breathes and I bite my bottom lip to keep from giggling at his reaction.

"Like it?" I ask instead.

In response, his hands skim the length of my body until they reach my hips and he lifts me slightly from the bed so that he can remove my jeans. When they're gone, he fits his body back with mine and our legs tangle together as our mouths fuse.

Derek's tongue slides over my teeth and then into the interior of my mouth, enticing mine to follow suit. When we are finally forced to separate to catch our breath, I can't help but giggle.

"What?" he asks, breathless and a little indignant.

"It really is true what they say: by giving you, you will receive."

"Mmhmm," Derek agrees. His lips find my neck and he sucks gently on the delicate skin there, until I moan and wiggle out of his gasp.

"I haven't had a hickey since high school," I laugh while he protests the loss of contact. "And I really don't want to explain it to Bailey."

"Why would she ask?" Derek reasons. "Trust me, the less she knows about our sex life, the better. For all of us."

I shake with laughter and bring him back to me.

"Behave yourself," I chastise him.

He just grins and lowers his head again, kissing a path from my collarbone to the tops of my breasts.

Meanwhile, his fingertips graze the lace trim on my panties, and then he hooks his thumbs in each side of the delicate undergarment and starts to slide them down my hips.

"Anxious?" I tease him.

"I want my Christmas gift," he growls and drags the underwear the rest of the way down my legs and then off. I'm left wearing only the bra and soon, this too is discarded as Derek deftly unhooks it and pushes the straps down my arms. I help him remove it; I'm just as full of anticipation as he is now and pull anxiously at his clothes.

He lifts his head so that I can see the amusement in his eyes. "I thought it was better to give than to receive," he taunts me.

"Derek!" I moan in frustration. He kisses me with maddening slowness and then pulls away and quickly removes his clothes, leaving them in a heap beside the bed.

I trail my hands along his back as he resumes his task, lavishing attention on my bare skin. His tongue slides closer to my firm nipples, but never quite reaches them, leaving me hyperaware and frustrated. I skim my fingers along the corded muscles of his back before bringing them forward to tease his nipples in turn. This finally results in Derek closing his mouth over mine, and I sigh happily when his lips tug on me. I shift restlessly as the suction turns from something pleasurable to something intensely frustrating.

An intense pressure builds between my legs and I push my hips forward, desperate for more meaningful contact with Derek. When I feel his hands start to trail up along the inside of my thighs, I bury my face in his neck and let him continue on his path. When his fingers slip over my folds, I close my eyes and try to regulate my breathing, which is quickly becoming ragged.

"So much for my lingerie," I manage, fighting to main control of the body that is betraying me.

"Lingerie?" Derek asks. "I thought you were my gift."

I roll my eyes and laugh against his neck. The moment alleviates some of the sexual tension so that I can focus on him for a few moments before it's too late.

He grows hard and stiff in my hands and his breath comes hot and rapid against my earlobe.

"Meredith…"

"Shhh," I soothe him. "Merry Christmas, Derek."

He laughs and the sound reverberates against my earlobe, which he then takes gently between his teeth. They graze against the soft skin and he whispers to me, telling me that he plans to spend more than one year with me. Thrilled, I barely notice when his fingers begin to stroke my folds again, but when he dips one just a fraction inside me, my hips lift from the bed involuntarily and I tremble against him.

"I'm out of the glow-in-the-dark ones," he says with disappointment, as we adjust our positions to be more accommodating to each other.

I giggle and instruct him to reach into the pocket of my jeans. Reluctantly, he pulls away from me and reaches for the discarded item of clothing. He dips his free hand into the pocket while he keeps the other in close contact with my body so that I have to suck on my bottom lip to keep from crying out. When he comes back to me, his expression is priceless. He holds up the Santa condom and lifts an eyebrow at me.

"It's your fault," I inform him. "I didn't even like Christmas before you!"

Instead of answering, Derek intensifies the pressure of his hand and I spiral out of control. I grasp his shoulders and pull him towards me and he finally acquiesces, pushing inside me until there's nowhere left to go.

I'm aware only of him; his weight, his breath on my neck, and the feel of him inside me, filling me and leaving me with the most intense feelings of peace and wonder.

When we cease moving, Derek stays with me for a long time, until our bodies cool. We reluctantly separate, but move to lie facing each other, and he trails his fingers along my face.

"Best Christmas ever!" he declares and I laugh.

"Isn't it?" he asks.

I sigh and move closer to snuggle against him, drowsiness beginning to claim me.

"Is it even Christmas yet?" I ask sleepily.

"Mmm," Derek says in response.

"Okay," I smile against his shoulder. I place a soft kiss there. "It is the best Christmas ever."

"Until next year," he promises, trailing his fingers through my hair.

"Until next year," I agree. I close my eyes and look forward to Christmas morning.


	7. We Wish You a Merry Christmas

"Izzie is going to kill us if we're not there early enough to help with dinner," I remind Derek as he pulls me back down into bed on Christmas Day when I return from the shower to grab the clothes I've left near the bed. We've already stayed there much longer than we should have and although on any other day I'd be loathe to stray from his bed, today I'm anxious to give him his present.

"We're already late," he reasons. "What difference will another hour make?"

"Derek!"

"Come on, Mer," he whines. "It's Christmas morning."

"Actually, it's Christmas afternoon," I correct him. "And seriously, Derek. It's her first Christmas since Denny and I feel bad about deserting her."

"Fine," he sighs, falling onto his back and in the process releasing me. I quickly move away from him and grab my clothes before heading into the tiny bathroom to dress.

"Izzie seriously wants _you_ to help with dinner?" I hear Derek ask from behind the closed door.

"Actually, she wants _you_ to help with dinner!" I call back and chuckle to myself when I hear him groan. I pull my sweater over my head and fasten the button on the top of my jeans before I pull open the door and smile sweetly at him. "So maybe I bragged about your culinary skills a little bit."

"My culinary skills?" Derek echoes. "Aw, Mer. Those aren't even my best skills."

"Your best skills are reserved for me," I retort.

"You've got it," he says in a low voice that makes me shiver.

"It's all yours," I tell him, standing aside to allow him to go into the bathroom. Grinning mischievously, Derek rolls out of bed and stands before me in all his glory.

"You're not playing fair!" I whine. "Go, shower."

"Really?" He cocks his head and studies me with a practiced smile.

"Derek!"

"Fine," he laughs. "But you're going to make it up to me later."

"I look forward to it," I tell him sincerely. This earns me a grin and a wink and then he finally disappears into the bathroom.

When he finally comes out of the bathroom, I'm waiting impatiently for him.

"Worse than a woman," I mutter.

Derek makes a face at me and catches the jacket I throw at him.

"We could always say we missed the ferryboat," he reasons, trying one last time.

"Oh my God."

"Okay, let's go," he sighs and follows me out the door.

* * *

The lights on the Christmas tree are still blazing when we reach the house and even from the end of the driveway, I can hear Christmas carols blaring from the stereo. 

"Oh my God," I mutter. Derek just laughs and tugs me by the hand up the sidewalk.

We enter the house and breathe in the aroma of turkey and an assortment of baked goods, and find Cristina folded into a corner of the couch, a scowl fixed on her face.

"Oh thank God!" she exclaims when she spots us in the doorway. "I thought you deserted me."

"I'm not that lucky," I say dryly.

"Come on," Cristina says. "I brought alcohol."

I follow her into the kitchen where Izzie immediately accosts us.

"Mer! You're back. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Iz," I say weakly.

"Would you mind basting the turkey, Cristina?" Izzie asks, while handing me a tray of cookies. "Mer, take this into the living room, okay?"

Cristina jumps in front of me. "Let me," she pleads, taking the tray from my hands.

Sighing resignedly, I pick up the turkey baster and a pair of oven mitts and head over to tend to the bird.

"I don't know why you and Derek didn't just stay here last night," she reasons. "We could have all had Christmas morning together."

I sigh. "Iz, I told you…"

"I know," she nods. "But it's going to be our last Christmas together."

I frown. "Why?"

Izzie's eyes grow wide. "I don't know," she stammers. "It could be. Maybe. I mean, you never know, right?"

I eye her suspiciously. "Right," I finally allow.

I baste the turkey and then close the oven door before speaking again. "It's our first Christmas, Izzie. Mine and Derek's, and I just wanted to be alone with him for a few hours."

"It's not your first real Christmas until you're married," she corrects me. I watch with amusement as her face flushes. "I mean, you know."

"Sure," I answer. "Come on, come have a drink with us."

Izzie shakes her head, and her ponytail swings from side to side. "I have too much to do in here."

"Well, what about presents?" I ask. "We should do that."

"After dinner," she says firmly. "Everybody isn't here yet."

As if on cue, we hear a chorus of voices from the living room as Derek, Cristina and Burke greet Callie, George and Alex.

Izzie shrugs and follows me into the living room.

"Merry Christmas," George says and starts pulling gifts out a bag he is carrying.

"Not now, George!" Izzie exclaims.

"Oh, come on, Iz. Why wait?"

"Dinner…" she says weakly.

"Won't be ready for a good hour," Burke finishes. "We have time."

"Fine," she says reluctantly.

Cristina pours her a drink and forces it into her hand. "Drink it," she demands. "And give the rest of us a break already, okay?"

Gifts are handed out and soon the floor is littered with wrapping paper and there is a chorus of excited voices thanking each other for the presents. Derek and I settle together on the couch and when the last of the presents is passed out, he moves away from me.

"Where are you going?"

"I told you that you have another gift," he says.

"No," I tell him. "Yours first."

"Mer, it's fine," he laughs.

"Derek, please."

Shrugging, he settles back against the couch and I get to my feet.

"Stay there!" I command him. "I'll be right back." I head into the kitchen and Alex follows me. When we return, he's carrying a large box for me and sets it in front of Derek's feet.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Just open it, dude," Alex sighs.

I smile at Derek and sit down beside him. He laughs and lifts the lid off the box before peering into its interior, and is rewarded with an exuberant Bernese Mountain Dog puppy licking his face.

"Oh my God," Cristina groans. "Meredith, do you know how huge those things get?"

I ignore her and watch Derek carefully.

"Was it a bad idea?" I ask him nervously. "It was a bad idea, wasn't it? When I gave you Doc, there were two of you there to take care of him, but I thought that this time, we could really share him. I'm with you a lot, and I'd take him for walks and things…"

"Meredith, he'll be strong enough to rip your arm out of its socket," Callie points out with a laugh.

I frown and meet Derek's eyes. "Derek? It's too much isn't it? I should have talked to you about it first."

"No," he says softly. He lifts his puppy out of the box and sets him on his lap. "He's perfect, Mer."

"Ridiculous," Cristina says from behind me.

Derek leans in to nuzzle the puppy, ignoring Cristina completely. I intend to do the same.

"Hey, Mer?" Derek asks.

"Hmmm?"

"What's on his collar?"

I frown and move closer to get a better look. And promptly forget to breathe.

"Derek…" I finally manage. I look up at him through teary eyes. He's smiling nervously and seems to be holding his own breath.

Carefully, he reaches forward and takes the puppy's collar in his hands for a moment. Then he releases the dog and takes my hands in one of his while in the other, he holds the future.

Alex leans forward and lets out a low whistle. "I didn't think the Hope diamond was for sale, McDreamy."

Derek laughs, but his eyes remain on me.

"Our puppy needs a home," he reasons. "Our home, Meredith."

I stare at him with amazement. "Seriously?"

He just laughs and nods, unable to continue speaking. My head is spinning and I turn to Izzie accusingly. "You knew! That's why you said all that about next Christmas, and… and…" I turn to Derek. "You knew about the puppy!"

"Guilty," he admits sheepishly.

"Oh my God, you all knew!"

"Okay, for the love of … as your person, if you don't say 'yes', I'm going to have to hurt you!" Cristina threatens me.

I choke back my tears and stare at Derek for a moment. His eyes are shining and he squeezes my hand softly.

"Mer?" he asks.

"Yes," I whisper so that only he can hear my answer.

"What?" George demands. "What'd she say?"

Derek beams at me and pulls me closer and the puppy leaps from his lap and into Cristina's. He kisses me and I forget about everyone else until Cristina yelps and tells the puppy to get off of her. Derek and I pull apart, laughing, and through my tears, the lights on the Christmas tree shimmer and dance.

"So maybe I could even love Christmas," I tell him.

"Wait until next year," Derek promises.

I can hardly wait.


End file.
